Glen Of Scotland

Resistance to change

I have written many times about change and how we humans often resist change, especially when we perceive it to be a big change. The cartoon below illustrates this quite well, no I'm not bashing business, there just isn't a cartoon available that I know of for other life changes at the moment.

You notice that the cartoon starts in 1842 and business survived and thrived, we adjusted and got on with it. Same for me, yes I resisted my new schools growing up, job changes etc and it all worked out, trust me it's easier to accept change and adjust rather than resist.

Ask if it's true

We all have beliefs about most things in life and one thing I have noticed is how rarely we challenge those beliefs and ask is this even true. Sometimes the beliefs we have are not even ours, they are sometimes handed down from generation to generation or they might be part of the mass consciousness.

Here is an example, I have been in different cities throughout the country this year as well as here in Colorado. I still have a slight accent left and people will often ask where I am from. Quite often that will lead to someone saying that Europeans really hate Americans, of foreigners really hate Americans. I reply back not at all of them do, where do they get that idea from?

Some will say newspaper reports or television reports or other such stories and I let them know that the overwhelming majority of Europeans love America and Americans and it's only a very small percentage that hate. Depending on where I am, I will ask them to look around and see the number of foreign tourists who are here spending their money, buying American goods, taking in the sights. Even those who are at war with America have been known to enjoy American made products in their own homes.

It's a belief that's simply not true and based on news reports etc that are not truly representative of what is actually going on in the world.

How many beliefs like that do you have and are you willing to ask if they are even true? How much are you missing out in life due to your beliefs?

Your Attention

The wars in Iraq and Afghanistan and more recently Libya have been going on for a while now and generally speaking people have tuned it out and are not giving it much attention. Part of that is the long time frame, the loss of lives, injury and destruction and the financial cost. Giving the situation attention, doesn't feel good, makes people angry, they recognize they have no power or control over the situation, so they give their attention to other matters.

The unemployment situation has being going on for some time too and again generally speaking people have tuned it out, not that they don't care or have compassion for those going through long term unemployment they do. It's just uncomfortable, doesn't feel good, makes people angry and they recognize they have no power or control over the situation, so they give their attention elsewhere and other matters that are a bit more pleasing.

The leadership of the country in congress and the white house has been missing for quite some time now and like the other topics above, people have tuned it out, though it rears it's ugly head now and again. It's just uncomfortable, makes people angry and they have no power or control over the situation, so they give their attention to other matters that are a bit more pleasing.

Words are said or not said at home or the office, by the spouse, boss, co-workers or kids and people give that their attention. It's uncomfortable, doesn't feel good, makes people angry and other emotions and they hold on to it and don't let it go. Wait what happened there?

Hold on something is not right, why would people hold on to these things, which they have no control or power over? Yet, tune out the war, the economy and our leaders, what's up with that?

All of these topics are reality on any given day, and when I suggest we tune out what these people did, said, didn't do or didn't say, then they claim to do so would mean they are in denial. I don't believe that's the case at all, it's accepting what we have power and control over and letting go of what we don't.

The difference I feel is that the earlier topics, people see as larger and more general and what goes on at work or home is more personal and in my opinion we as humans personalize it too much. This gives us trouble in letting go and it really consumes us. Forget the right and wrong as you see it in the situation and arguments can be made in all of the above mentioned topics about right and wrong, I do know that. We have no power or control over these matter as individuals so we let go.

I'm asking that as you have capably shown you can do in letting go of your attention to the war, unemployment and leadership topics, that you apply the same to those issues you have personalized. Not to give away your power, just to feel better, which will give you clarity about what you want and change your body language etc which will reduce the likelihood of it happening again to you.

It's a big step, I know, let me ask you , how is working out doing it the other way, holding on and personalizing it?

If you do want to get more involved in these other matters, that is fine too, some people can feel good and better mobilizing others. They typically have a good idea what things look like as far as the end result goes. For example with the wars, I would break everything down as far as possible and approach things that way. For example take the populations of each country and calculate the number of people on both sides who are actually at war. Then do the same with the money, express a cost to each participant, same with the loss of life and injuries on all sides, personalize it even more with the number of meals or food for people who have gone without on both sides, shelter too, contrast that with the arms dealers and contractors etc and show how their wealth has increased.

I promise you it would not take long for things to change with that approach.

It's really a choice to tune out which is the best way for most or if you choose to engage then do so in a way that will open eyes and work towards the end result you have in mind. Be consistent if you choose to tune out to feel better, then do so with everything where you have no power or control and to make it easy for you, the only person you have power and control over is yourself! Life will flow better and stress will be reduced dramatically.

Rising fear level

The level of fear out there has been rising these past few weeks, a reasonable response to what has being going on around the globe and up close in your city or town too. It's not easy to escape all the negativity when it is broadcast from all directions over and over again and leaders who one might expect to lead are actually on the fear mongering bandwagon too, trying to win re-election.

I'm going to offer some different perspectives that might help ease the fear you are feeling and the odd solution or two to bring some more ease or at least a plan to get you on a path to feeling better and have some hope.

A lot of the events are interconnected, in the USA we have a congress and a white house that have proved to lack leadership ability and an interest in doing what's best for the country. That led to a downgrade in the country credit rating, which in part led to stock market turmoil and businesses lacking the confidence to expand and create jobs, which leaves us with too many people unemployed and therefore unable to pay their mortgages, which has kept the housing market in the doldrums. A combination of high youth unemployment and the rising gap between the rich and poor has led in part to riots and protests throughout the world. England has received the bulk of the headlines, there is much more being under reported elsewhere (Israel, Chile and even parts of the USA, PA and WI).

Politically I doubt much will change before the main election in November 2012, (you can expect threats of a US government shutdown to peak at the end of September as a budget hasn't been passed in over 2 years now) the choice is then to engage or not engage or have your feet in both camps. I will just say this if people keep voting the same cast of characters of either party, back in office and expect change, then, well, I have a bridge to sell you. The next election cycle will be the most contentious ever seen, the ads have already started, my advice would be to tune it out until November 1st 2012 and see who is still left standing and make your choice.

If you want to engage in it, then come up with a plan so that what is important to you reaches who you want to vote for, or what you want to vote for. Use social media, fax, attend the meetings that your representative has and asked very pointed questions, such as can you tell me what is in the bill you voted for, did you read all of it, how much does  it spend and raise etc. Are you willing to pledge to protect the interests of the country over party.

Be clear about what you are doing, the key is moving away from your current position of fear.

Financially, yes the USA has been downgraded for the first time, keep in mind the source of this, a rating agency with a bad track record, they were among the rating agencies that highly rated all those mortgages back during the last housing boom and we know how that turned out. That aside, the downgrade is a reality, however did you know that Canada was downgraded in 1992, they cut expenses and debt and raised taxes and in 2002 were upgraded again. It doesn't mean it is permanent and some good can come out of it, though it seems, based on the initial response, it will take more than this to prompt change.

The fear put out there is that interest rates will rise, well regardless of the downgrade, rates were always going to increase, the have been very low for years and in time will go up. On the other hand, oil prices have dropped and you should notice 20-40 cents a gallon drop in gas prices in short order. Over time as deflation comes back a lot of prices that increased over the past year will slowly drop again, so you will see some benefit from that.

Look for more areas to cut spending, refinance what ever debt you have, house, car and credit card debt, can to lower payments and if you are under water with your mortgage, speak with an attorney about walking away, do what is best for you.

Job wise, some parts of the country are a challenge, yet others aren't, consider relocating if you think it will help and you can. Doing some volunteer work in the field you are interested in, can bring you contacts and it keeps you in a work mode with some hope. Unconventional things get you noticed and with so many looking for a job, getting noticed often gives you the edge.

Things will get better, if you can imagine in the middle time period of  the two world wars or the depression, what it felt like, for many then, it was hopeless and despair. Who then would have imagined then that it would be all over in a couple of years and things would be better. Not many as it's difficult to imagine it being so good, when it feels so bad as it did then during those events.

As those wars and the depression ended it did get better and people then had hope, they could see change, they could believe it and they could move forward more easily. I'm asking you to see and believe  and imagine, your life and the current situation being better in 2013 or 2104. It may be hard to begin with, perhaps you have a relative who was alive back during those events and you can ask them what it was like when it ended and what it felt like in the middle of it, did they ever think it be this good after being that bad.

For example I see a time in a couple of years,  where the global economy is just starting the biggest economic boom the world has ever seen. You see in the past when we have come through economic challenges like this, countries such as China, India, Brazil for example had a much lower economy than the rest of the world, when this is over they will be starting from a much higher level than ever before as will many other countries.

I see the political system much changed too, with greater transparency on who is doing what and who the money is going to and where it is coming from. I see that people will have more freedoms than ever before and will be happier as a result.

It might be difficult for you to imagine that, just like it was difficult during the middle of world war 2 that would would be landing on the moon 25 years later. Or that during the depression we would have billionaires in China or even the USA, yet that is what happened.

What are you imagining the future will be like? Is there a future or will it always be like it is now? Are the odds pretty good that this will end and good times will be back? Are we destined to live in fear, outrage and unhappiness?

Wild Weather Events

The planet is going through a number of weather and natural events, earthquakes, tsunami, volcanoes getting active, powerful tornadoes, floods, fires, and droughts. The damage and loss of life is eye opening and we all have great compassion for those who have lost loved ones and are suffering after being impacted by mother nature.

I'm often asked what does it all mean? Humans love to find meaning in everything and if there is no obvious meaning and depending on their filters, they will make one up that fits their beliefs.

My answer is nature is going through one of it's cycles that it has been going through since time began. Sometimes it is more active than others and beleive it or not this isn't a particulalry active time. The time period from the mid 1890's to the mid 1930's from I can see was a more active time for all of these weather events.

It seems worse at the moment for a few reasons, generally speaking, people are still unsettled from all the changes going on whether economically or global political events and a little bit more fearful than normal. The death and destruction from these events are getting a lot of coverage from more outlets than ever before, the stories are heart breaking, the damage eye opening and sometimes beyond belief. The stories are more dramatic than ever before as we are able to see it up close and personal in a lot of cases, thanks to video clips from cell phones and the like that we have never had before.

It's understandable that it can appear as if this is the worst ever for these events and I can understand why people start connecting things together and come up with God is angry and the world is coming to an end, or it's the start of 2012 and it will get worse, then it's all over. It's understandable and I believe it's totally incorrect. Humans seem to have been doing this since time began. Y2K bring back any memories?

What is the answer then, accept reality the weather is what it is, find peace within as best you can, have compassion for those suffering, help if you feel you want to and can. Understand cycles and patterns of everything, human behaviour, human emotions, economics, business cycles, politics, even the weather, which will allow you to see through events and become less fearful as a result.

As we get closer to 2012, the fear factor will rise significantly and people will start panicking about all sorts of things and the weather will be a little more active than normal (more about that later) prepare yourself now to avoid all that stress.

 

You do have power

A lot of people think they are powerless to change things around them, and while they may lack the power of the president for example, they still have power over situations under their control and importantly they have the power to join forces with others to effect change.

As people look to make more money and step by step move from being poor to becoming rich, the internet is a great resource for a lot of information that can help move you in that direction.

Take the time to write down what help you feel you need then use that as a base for your internet searches, take your time as the resource is vast and not everything is true or will be beneficial. There are groups such as Move the Mountain Leadership and their Circles Campaign to assist families moving out of poverty. Micro lending that is popular overseas is starting to gain traction over here, Kiva for example has a few listings in the USA through Accion and some church groups.

Virtually every industry is represented in some shape or form on the internet, there are message boards that you ask where to receive training, information etc, use them and don't be put off by any unkind remarks, keep looking. You will be amazed at what is available for free, some schools for example are using Khan Academy to teach math, it's free Bill Gates raves about it, check it out.

There are many finance sites that give you advice on savings and investing, check out Suze Orman, she is well known and reputable, there are many others find one that resonates with you.

Earlier this year in Egypt we saw the power of a couple million people hitting the streets demanding freedoms. You can gather with others too, using facebook and twitter and other means to find people with similar thinking to yours and join together to bring about change.

I believe for example that if 8 million people were to gather peacefully in this country for things like a simplified tax code, or legislation that treats people equally, or a legislative plain english standard, or other similar things you would quickly see a change in this country.

At the local level, you can join with others and gather signatures on the ballot at the state or city level. For example it will take 6,000 signatures in Santa Monica out of a population of 84,000 to make the ballot to ban circumcision in that city. I'm sure you might have some ideas that you feel strongly about, health care, mental care, who your city should or shouldn't be doing business with, interest rate caps, allow prescription drug imports from Canada etc.

You have more power than you realize to change your circumstances, you also have the power to do nothing and complain too. Power is often associated with the rich, and yes money does talk especially when it comes to lobbying and tv advertising to influence your vote. At the end of the day, we all get one vote and money can only go so far, just ask those in Egypt who had the money, power and influence and no longer do.

People often wait until they have been pushed so far, or have been beaten down so much before they step in to their power and say no more. When a product becomes so expensive, we say no more and buy less, demand drops and then so does the price, as seen often with gas prices. It hasn't worked in health care yet, as we keep paying the rising costs, apparently we haven't reached our threshold yet.

When are you going to step into your power? When are you going to use your power? When are you going to take your power back? When is, whatever the situation may be, get bad enough for you to do so? How much more can you take and for how much longer?

Limited Thinking 2

Other examples of limited thinking and beliefs applicable to current events are for example, a belief that you shouldn't start a new business or or launch a product line during a recession. Well Apple turned that one on it's head with the launch of the Ipad, not exactly a cheap device and has sold millions worldwide.

How often did you hear, let's wait until the recession is over before we do that?

Whenever there are polls or data about the happiest people in the world, at the top of the list are the Nordic countries. They are the highest taxed countries and at the same time offer great social benefits, free health care  etc. Yet in this country we rebel against higher taxes ( not that I would raise taxes until we become more efficient and cut a lot more waste out of the system) the belief being it would limit innovation and productivity.

Yet, when are people more productive and creative?  of course when they are happier!

This article examines the issue in Norway, it may allow you to challenge or at least examine your beliefs and open things up for change, much needed change don't you think?

Rising health costs are a frequent topic, losses at hospitals all lead to the belief that things are out of control. What doesn't get widely reported  are examples where costs have been reduced, losses turned to profits, a work force moving from rigid to flexible and patient satisfaction becoming a reality.

There are 2 great examples you can read about, one from Oakland, here, which is quite amazing, especially how they addressed the issue with the union. The other from Denver, which you can read here, this one is notable not only how things changed, also how even further improvements came along later. A good confirmation that there is always ways to improve on everything.

Over the years, trillions of dollars have been spent on the war on drugs and housing prisoners, no one is declaring that the war has been a success and we continue to throw money at the same policies. With a conflict brewing between state and federal laws, as more states allow possession of marijuana it seems as if more money will be wasted in the right wrong battle.

Yet Portugal tried something different, 9 years ago, they decriminalized possession of drugs and focused instead on distribution and trafficking, you can read more about the results here, which were not as bad as first feared and not perfect either. Yet they tried something different and had some success which can be built on. I wonder how long before other countries waken up.

If limited thinking and beliefs are not addressed then what happens is stagnancy, little growth, being overtaken by others at the individual, corporate and country level, massive waste and inefficiency.

Look  back in time, what happened to all those Empires, look at the top companies, how many bit the dust, even in your own work place, what happened to some of those people?

If you are willing to look for possibility, open up your thinking, there are tremendous opportunities out there for you.

Question it

Last time I suggested you ask questions about why we are doing things a certain way or why are we paying this much for that etc. Quite often we just go along with things, price increases etc because that is the way it has always been.

For example the US has had an embargo on Cuba for 50 years now, there have been some changes over the years, but the core embargo is still intact. Talk about something that isn't working!  At some point we must realize that something we do isn't working and that the change we desire is not happening and do something different. I wonder what else we are doing that we are sticking with even though it's not working.

What if we look closer to home what migth we find?

I did that, so here is an example that might help you too. I have been a satellite tv customer for many years, great picture, dvr to record stuff and more recently high definition. I got a deal last year that cost me $50 per month, the price went up to $88 after the deal expired. When I started asking questions of myself about this, I realized that most of the television I watched was on the networks and some nature shows and some ESPN.

Was this worth it too me, the answer was no, but I still wanted television, so  I looked for solutions and came up with this, a $20 indoor antenna to capture the network high definition signals. The picture was actually better than my satellite service and for recording shows I went with a $80 tivo box and $20 per month for the programming service. I will look at things in a year and see how I feel. Interestingly when I called to cancel my satellite service, they tried to keep me as a customer, we have a great picture they said, I replied you do, mine is just better the technology has changed. We have all these channels they said and I replied, you do, I don't seem to be watching them. I could understand their arguments, at one time they were very true, now times have changed.

People are getting entertained differently, can get movies over the internet to play on ipads and computers, you can even watch the shows for free the next day on the networks website if you wanted to and connect that to your television set.

Will I miss ESPN, not really I can catch it at the gym and nature shows I catch on the internet or on bluray from Netflix. The changes in technology made this easy and as a bonus the price difference each month will more than cover my higher gas, food, clothing costs and still leave me ahead.

I knwo this is just a simple thing, it's a concept that can be applied to any situation, your own household budget, even government spending and your own business. If you don't ask how can you find out?

Could it happen here 2

There are several what I would call imbalances in this country that could provide the tipping point for changes, not as drastic as Egypt or Tunisia, but big enough to activate fear in many.

You can get out ahead of these things and make adjustments so that whatever comes about will flow well for you. An example would be rising gas prices, you have been through this several times in the past now, so you know what to expect, you know how to adjust and you know how to make it until the prices start to drop again, and you know they will drop again at some point.

Here are 3 charts of what I would call imbalances, they cover 3 topics that you have been and will hear more about in the future.

 

At some point we have to ask better questions to reach better solutions as opposed to the current them versus us that goes on at the moment. It seems though that people will only take action after the tipping point has been reached, by then the changes that are necessary feel big and overwhelming which activate the fears.

As public employees are being asked to contribute towards the cost of their benefits and as businesses and others pay 40% premium increases with $10,000 deductibles they might finally ask why is our health care so expensive compared to others, what are they doing better for less that we can copy and apply here.

Just because it's the way it has always been or because everyone else is doing it or because we don't want change or because we will upset some people can no longer be the way to do things, the world has changed, the economics have changed and more people are asking why and why not.

If you don't get ahead of this, it will feel uncomfortable and the changes will feel forced and no one likes to be forced to do anything.

Start with your own household, ask why are be buying this, why are we paying that, what are we getting from this, is it a good return, why do we do this, this way, why do we vote for this and them, who is really getting the benefit from all of this.

As you look at those charts above the some questions are obvious, why do we need to be spending all that for defense compared to the rest of the world, what are we getting for all that money spent on  health care and why are other countries able to get a better return for what they spend.

The tipping point is coming, (some might say it has started based on protests in Wisconsin) maybe higher gas prices, or food prices will trigger it, or higher taxes or higher health care costs, something will. When it does, do you know what you want to happen, what changes to implement, how should money be spent, how should savings be found and cuts made. There are solutions, are you going to be proactive or reactive?

Remember it does not take many to know what they want for change to happen, we saw that in Tunisia and Egypt.

The above charts came from this report.

Could it happen here?

I was asked if I thought the changes and turmoil in Tunisia and Egypt could happen here. It was a question based out of fear, comparing if you like apples to oranges all of which created uncertainty.

Tunisia and Egypt had either a dictatorship or authoritarian government and had been that way for 30 or 40 years depending on the country. We have free elections and more freedoms than the people over there had and it can always get better, so it's an unfair comparison. Change here will happen come election times as far as a change in government, though I will talk more about us next time.

There are several interesting things that did transpire here and that are beginning in some of the other countries as well. The power of the "tipping point" something you see happen in our own lives too, you can put up those little things then that one thing happens and it puts you over the edge so you quit etc.

Those countries had that type of government for decades, youth and young adult unemployment was rising and then higher food prices kicked in coupled with growing income and wealth inequality that was enough to trigger the demands for change. These are what I call imbalances that will be corrected at some point. We saw this recently with the stock and housing markets, it is easy to see the imbalance, not quite as easy to see when and how it will come back to balance again.

What was remarkable was how quickly it all happened, and although there was loss of lives, compared to other like events in human history, the time frame and the relatively peaceful transition is virtually unprecedented.

I believe it shows we are in general evolving as humans into a more peaceful, tolerant, freedom seeking and caring beings. When we come together and the internet has helped enormously and focus on what we want it does not take many to make it happen. The percentage of the population that was active in seeking change in those countries was very small considering Tunisia has a population of roughly 10 million people and Egypt 80 million people.

Yes, those changes create some uncertainty, rising oil prices for one and will the new governments like us. Keep in mind the change came about by people who want their freedom, to work, to grow and to have a say in how things should be, you will realize that we have much in common with them and if we focus on what we have in common and talk about that instead of what we fear, it will all go a lot better.

Finally, did you notice the joy in the faces of the people when they learned they were getting what they wanted? Can you be happy for them?

As quickly as things changed in these two countries, it's not going as quickly or peacefully in Libya, let's see how it plays out.

 

 

 

What Can We Do?

After the recent shootings in Arizona, many people were asking, what can we do? There is no simple answer as could be seen from the reactions and blaming in the aftermath of the event. There is so much outside our control and if truth be told outside the control of laws as well. If someone is so determined to do something, they will usually find a way.

I believe that the energy of the greater good, the vibration if you like, does help to limit the loss of life and or damage. I know that is small consolation for those who lose loved ones when events like this occur. A good example of the greater good being displayed, was the congress woman's intern being there with enough nursing/medical training, to be able to do all the right things that saved her life. Of course it could just be a coincidence, luck a miracle, when you see things like this happening often enough you tend to see it differently.

So what can we do? Well one thing we can do at home or the work place, is to value life more and to use the work kill more appropriatley. I feel the word kill is often used when we are angry or annoyed, it is stated without really meaning what we are saying and devalues the life of the person we are focused upon over what is usually something trivial.

How often have you heard or spoken the words, "I could kill you" "I'm goign to kill you" " you are dead" "when I get my hands on you, you are dead" "killing you is too easy" "I will kill you" "I will kill them/him/her" If you are like most humans, then you have said or heard those statements many times.

For most people, they understand that you are not going to kill them, it's just a response to something that happened that the other person didn't like. As we have seen from different shootings, not everyone has the mental capacity to understand this. If children were to understand (not in the heat of the moment) what they are saying, or to be taught that life is too precious and that statements like that are unacceptable, it would be a great start don't you think?

One thing it would do is to add to that greater good.

Of course there are many other things we can do too, this is just one suggestion, one  that we all have control over and is easy to do.

Suicide

You will find it easier to understand some of what I'm talking about here if  you read  the earlier 6 parts  of this series first, part 1 starts here.

Generally speaking people really only discuss the topic of suicide after someone they know or some celebrity has chosen to commit suicide. Sadly, at that point the conversation turns from shock to a lot of judgment and a lack of understanding and many questions, the two most common being, what did we miss and why would they do this.

The big dark secret about suicide is that most adults have at some point in their lives have themselves considered committing suicide. There is a scale from just a passing thought, to serious consideration, to planning it out and making that final choice. There are of course many other aspects to that range as well.

I wanted to mention this big secret  at the beginning of this article to let people know that they are not alone, most people including myself have gone through this at least once and that the mere fact that most of us are still here, indicates that there must be a solution to this, otherwise we would have gone through with it and didn't. The numbers of people making the choice to continue far exceeds those who don't, and I believe it can get even better.

Why then if most have considered this, is there not more discussion and more compassion about suicide? A lot of it is shame, guilt, selective memory and trying to avoid being judged themselves, some consider it a sin (that's why I wanted you to read the earlier posts) and of course there is the possibility that someone will report you and have you placed in a mental facility. Professionals have legal responsibilities to condsider as well.

The latter is why most people will not talk about how they are feeling and why it comes as such a shock to others if they do eventually choose to end their lives. This is where I think most people do make a mistake, it is necessary for most to talk to someone about what is going  on. There are a few people that are able to go through this by themselves without help, for most though, talk to someone. As I will explain in a later paragraph, we tend to over focus on the situation at hand and are blind to most everything else and that is where an outsider can offer another perspective and balance.

Times have changed and that is why the internet has been very beneficial as there are ways to ask for advice somewhat anonymously, which can be helpful and take away the fear of being placed in a mental hospital or other facility. Not that getting treatment should put you off, I know people who have been successfully treated and gone on to live good healthy balanced lives. There are hot lines in every state and you can visit the Suicide Org website for numbers and resources here.

A few months ago a Denver Broncos football player killed himself, he was injured forthe second season and had a couple of surgeries and it is now known he was in debt from gambling as well. The response to this was mostly  harsh, negative and judging, validating the need for this subject to be discussed more and for people to be honest with themselves before judging others. This negative response led to one of the Denver Post writers, Woody Paige to write a column letting people know about his thoughts about ending his life and his recovery, you can read his column here.

When we give thought to giving up, it's clearly not because things are going well, rather it's when we are being bullied, losing the house, lost the job or relationship or several things combining at once, in other words when things are not going well. About the only thing we do when things are not going well is to focus on the problem, a lot of self talk about how things can't work, how we will never be able to recover, how could we have been so stupid to get involved in whatever it is, we have all the stories running over and over like a continuous loop. That is hell, that is what we call our darkest hours and no wonder there is no light, no hope getting in, it's a one sided trip in hell that in most cases isn't even true.

Oh yes, it's true that you are getting bullied, or lost the house etc, but all that doom and gloom story telling stuff, I'm sorry, you have no idea if that is going to be true or not. All you need to do is watch some of the videos on the "it gets better" channel on you tube to see that things change. Do some research on those who have lost their jobs or their homes or all their money during the last recession or stock market crash and see how they got another house and another car and another job, it's just temporary, though for some it can feel permanent.

This is why it's important to speak with someone, to get another perspective that offers some other truthful explanation that you have overlooked when you are locked into that continuous loop that blocks you from seeing a solution. I don't know anyone who has found a solution when they are stuck in the problem, you can not see it from that place.

My first experience dealing with suicide was at 16, a school friend chose to jump of the top of the tall building his girlfriend lived at. It turns out she had decided to end the relationship, it was the first for both and he apparently thought that he would never find another. In that moment it would be easy to feel that way, I also knew he was adopted as was his brother so I can imagine the stories he had running through his mind and they would appear to be the only truth to him. Yet he had no way of knowing for sure that could possibly be true, the odds were very high that it wouldn't be true. He just gave up  and chose to end his life, it is a choice, it's just not the only one, and I say that without judgment of him.

Perhaps we give up too easily, and are now so conditioned that way, yet when we are patient things change. How often have you given up on your 1-15 football team one season and two years later they are in the super bowl and you are back supporting them again. Life is like that too, as I said in an earlier post, life is not all plain sailing. We will be challenged, we will have problems, no human is immune to that and it doesn't matter what your sexual orientation is, the color of your skin or how much money you have or how famous you are.

There is always a solution to every problem and if we become solutions focused will will find them and if  we can't it doesn't mean there isn't a solution, we have to talk to others to help us find it.

Every parent I know would do anything they can to help their child, a 13 year girl in Orlando, who has cerebral palsy was being bullied on the school bus and to avoid this would hide in the bushes and skip school. She eventually told her father, who will be the first to admit over reacted and crossed the line and got on the school bus and verbally threatened those on the bus, he was arrested  for his efforts.

Yet at the same time he was seen as a hero to many, especially his daughter and was recently on NBC as one of the people of the year. The confidence that brought his daughter, who was also on the show was easy to see, it was life changing for her, she could see that someone would stand up for her.

Now that is a dramatic example and I wouldn't encourage and over reaction like that, I would encourage you to talk with your parents or others, they will shift heaven and earth to help you, to ease the problem, to offer solutions and you will see that life gets better.

That example also highlights just how bad people feel at times, it can be for many reasons and how better they feel in the moment by teasing someone else. Let's be honest most people have done it, especially when younger, teased your siblings, or the pet or someone else and when you see the reaction that they have, for that brief moment, you do feel better.

What if we were to teach people that there are different ways to feel better, that don't involve picking on someone or something else? What if we were to teach children that we don't always get what we want exactly when we want it and it often comes later. What if we were to teach that getting angry is okay, it's what we do with that anger that's important.

What if we were to talk about how natural it is to want to give up when challenged and how we can overcome those difficulties. What if we were to teach that even in those challenging times it is normal to want to give up on life to and how we can talk with others to help. What if we were to to teach that asking for help is not a sign of weakness and that it can makes things easier. What if we were to teach that not everyone knows everything about everything and that there are different experts who can.

What if we were to find a way to talk about suicide with teenagers without glamorizing it, just like we do when we teach them about sex.

We cannot rely on passing laws to change behaviour and expect that bullying will stop, we have laws to control speeding and death penalty laws for murder, yet those laws have not ended speeding or murder. In fact let's be honest, most people speed despite the laws and penalties.

We can make a difference, it means stepping outside the conventional thinking and behaving and just asking questions that begin with "what if", is just one thing we can do differently.

That has been my intention in offering these different perspectives, ideas, examples and tools. I know the tools work and people have seen changes with them for the better. What ever your reaction to these ideas are, use that response to create your own tools, ideas and practices and conversations, doing so may just help someone choosing to live life instead of choosing to end life.

It doesn't matter what others think, it's time to have more honesty about suicide, when people are going through tought times, they often feel that no one else could possibly know what it's like to go through this, yet most everyone actually does. There is no need to keep going on and on about the problems, seek answers and solutions.

When you look at the subject matters that cause the most distress for people that choose to end their lives, money problems, love problems, big mistakes, most embarrasing moments, great shame, things not working out, being bullied.

I don't know about you, I have gone through all of those, several times, yes I did want to give up in the middle of it a couple of times. Instead I saw a way through it, the passing of the storm, which led to even greater success.

The most important thing I learned, was to control what I could control and what others thought was not one of them.

Are you ready to make a difference in your family? One family at a time, then the momentum takes over. It's possible and it will happen.

Thank you for reading, your attention is already making a difference.

 

 

Life is not all plain sailing part 2

What will also help is to like and love yourself, it's an easy thing to overlook especially when you are sensitive about things as simple as acne. It doesn't matter what you are or who you have if you don't like yourself and love yourself, you will carry that vibe and body language around with you. When you do what are the odds that someone else will want to get close to you?

That of course leads people to feel lonely and isolated, so they withdraw and isolate themselves, which naturally leads to more of the same. When they choose to do something about it and go out more, they complain that no one want to be with them or talk with them. This of course solidifies the despair leading to even more withdrawal and isolation.

You are forgetting one thing, that lonely dark vibe you had before you went out to meet people, you took that with you. Other people pick up that vibe from you, without you saying a single word to them and without them even thinking about it, something makes them uncomfortable and they will drift away from you to be more comfortable.

Before you go out, you have to take care of your vibe, the best way to do this is to think about all the things you like and love about yourself. I know that can be hard to do in the beginning, in which case keep it basic, such as how you love that you can walk and run, (as many are unable to do so themselves) and if that is challenging, think back to you most favorite times, vacations, special moments when you were happy and having fun and in that space, go out. You will notice a huge difference, be resilient it may not work the 1st time you try it, it will if you keep doing it and get better at it.

As an example of what happens when you are walking around with a negative vibe, this experience will help illustrate it.

It was a Friday and I was out of town ready for teaching a class the next day. There was an Outback steakhouse next to the hotel so I went in and sat at the bar for dinner. The bar tenders were friendly, introduced themselves and took my drink and food order and I received both in good time. Mid way through my meal, I felt a heavier darker presence approach. I am sensitive to energy and the vibe of people and things and it was dramatically different from what was going on just a few minutes before.

I paid attention to what was going on, especially as I was teaching the next day and often situations like this come along to help with my teaching. The vibe was coming from a younger man who came in to the bar area of the restaurant and sat on the other side. He sat and he waited for one of the bartenders to take his order. He waited and he waited and it was 6 or 7 minutes before either of the bar tenders approached, the place by the way, was not busy at all.

I noticed that the bar tender didn't introduce himself as he took the order for food and drink, as he had done with everyone else. Anyway the young man was sitting there and his food came about 10 minutes or so later, in the meantime his drink order hadn't. The bar tender had forgotten the drink and apologized so the young man now finally had his drink and food. When it came time to pay for his order, he presented a $100 bill and then an odd thing happened. The cash register jammed and they couldn't get the drawer to open to give him the change. There was a wait of another 7 or 8 minutes from him to receive his change and finally left, with a vibe that was somewhat worse than when he came in.

Suppose for a moment that this guy was feeling lonely or had a bad day, that experience was not going to help the situation much at all. What explanation is there for two bartenders to basically ignore or not see him sitting there for so long? Keep in mind up until this point he had not said a word to them. It's possible they knew him from before and he didn't tip well or something, yet there was no acknowledgement that they seem to know each other or had an experience before.

Could it have been his vibe? I believe it was, I felt the vibe as being heavy and dark and I know from experience that while I can consciously feel it, other humans can feel it on an unconscious level. This is all without words being spoken, we feel it unconsciously as activate a protective mechanism, we do this when we feel someone especially needy around us well. This protective mechanism has the ability to block us from seeing things that are right in front of us. Most people have first had experience with this when they lose something, such as the house keys. How often have you been angry, frustrated or annoyed and gone looking for your keys, searched high and low many times then relaxed and found your keys in the exact same spot you were looking 5 or 6 times before. They were there all the time and yet you couldn't see what was staring you in the face.

Another example that you often see as a way to test this out for yourself is to watch a newborn or young baby, clearly with no judgments about anything at that point. The baby is sleeping or relaxed and then someone comes into the room, angry,frustrated or overwhelmed and what often happens is the baby starts to cry. The baby is feel that vibe and it's very uncomfortable.

Likewise with pets if you have pets at home and you are angry, do you find the pets seem to steer away from you or go hiding, yet when you are happy they are snuggling up to you?

Look at what else happened to this young man, drink order forgotten and the cash register getting jammed, is it just a coincidence that these things happened? Or is it more about how you are feeling gets things flowing in one direction, in this situation not a pleasant one and when you are feeling good they flow in a better direction?

Might you have more control over your situation than you realize? That is a lot of power to be able to influence what happens around you don't you think?

Some might say, well that's true but my situation is really tough and it''s been this way for a long time so it will take forever to see an improvement. There is no question that your situation may have been going on for a while, can I ask if your response to the situation been the same each time. On other words if someone bullies you, do you just crumple and give up each time?

That's one reason things have felt prolonged, you cannot expect to see a change in anything if you have the same response each time. Just as you cannot expect the water to boil if you forget the water or to turn the stove on each time, if you forget the first time you will remember the water the next time and experience a different result.

Your different response can be anything from the suggestions here, to calling the police, your parents, the local newspaper, the school, speaking back, fighting. If you have been unemployed for a while, volunteer for a morning or an hour to get back in to the habit of doing something or being with people or doing something worthwhile. If you have been depressed, could you find something for just an hour to focus on like a comedy, a garden, feed the birds. If you are short of money, going to some of the many free events that are held in every town.

When you do this and keep doing it, you build momentum, just like you push the car and it's tough to begin with, then it gets going and you build more momentum and it gets easier. Momentum needs those first steps though and step by step you can find a way.

That's how you learned to walk, run, ride your bike and drive your car. Step by step and you do have experience there each and every one of you and it all wasn't plain sailing, you did fall, trip and stall the car, yet you kept going and did it and you can do it again with anything step by step.

Just this week, I tried a new aerobic machine at the gym it required different movements than I was used to, so after 5 minutes I stopped. The next morning was easier, I was getting used to it, so I did 10 minutes, then I doubled it again the next morning to 20 minutes and again doubled it to 40 minutes  and this morning I did the full 60 minutes. That's the power of momentum and it's a power you have and like me have used before.

We have a lot of powerful tools at our disposal, dust them off and use them.

more to come

 

 

Less Than No One

Anyone who is different, or has made a mistake, or has too much debt will often feel inferior, small, separate or less than everyone else. It's easy to feel  that way, when others are quick to judge or criticize or go out of their way to make sure we can't do something we would like to do or would like to have the right to do. Regardless of what they say or do it is ultimately us who creates the feeling inside.

One thing that can help limit the effects of what they are saying or doing is connecting to a very simple truth. You, yes you, are less than no one.

It is a true statement, strip away, the color of your skin, your sex and you are a human being first and foremost, we can go even deeper than that with DNA etc. We share this, we are human beings, we are the same and created the same, we all have our own unique talents and gifts that contribute towards the growth of humanity. It may not seem or feel like it at times, but there has been growth in humanity over the years with room for much more.

People falsely assume that because of their sex or color, their position, their location that this somehow makes them more than everyone else or you specifically. You need only look back through the history of America and of other countries, to see how that has played out. There were people who thought that Native Americans were less than they were because of how they lived, their customs and beliefs and how they spoke. They were just different from the white man and to justify the perceived threat, false stories were made up as proof of why they should not be trusted, should be treated with suspicion or killed and why they should not be treated like the rest of those who were more than them.

As you look at the history in America of how women and African Americans and others have been treated, you can see how   long it takes for this "I'm more than you" behavior takes to change.

Interestingly when those in a minority,  are afforded their rights and viewed as equals, the feared end of the world or end of our power and all those fears that were brought up before, never materialize, all that fear and drama for nothing.

Yet some of those in the above examples in those times, and even today, people accepted the belief that they were less than everyone else. When you keep hearing the same thing over and over again, you will begin to believe it and you will filter everything through that belief. Just as those with the opposing belief will do as well.

Many countries allow gay men and women to serve openly in the military, and despite the prior fears, without any problems. Yet in America it is slow going for change. Likewise many women have been prime minister or president in different countries and again it is slow to change in America. It is better than it was before, where the straight white male was considered superior.

I feel that if those involved were to move away from "it's not right you are treating us this way" or "it's not right we can't do this or have this" to things like "I am a human being like you" " I feel and understand your fear of change and I am no threat to you" "Your fellow human beings in other countries have gone through these changes without problems" " together as human beings we can grow faster and become more prosperous than when we are fighting each other" "together as human beings we can lead the world not just economically but socially" "learn from history from the so called superior empires and lost civilizations destroyed by their infighting and resistance to change".

Now I don't know about you, but out of the two segments above, one helped me feel really good and one didn't. I would challenge you to spend time focused on the better one, feeling the better one and owning it as it will not only make you feel better, it will improve your body language and improve what is going on around you than before.

Right now most of you are walking around not only feeling different and separate but less than and you are seeing very little improvement in your lives and that does, want you to feel like giving up. Implement  some of the suggestions, they work.

One verbal and belief weapon that is used very often when trying to control those who are different, especially against the gay community, it is directed at others too,  is you are going to hell. Some go as far as to blame natural disasters as a punishment for what they consider your "sins" to be.

Well I am different and I will give you a different perspective on all of that, you can choose what feels better for you. I should tell you I have visited hell and I have been in hell a few times and I am still here and if I understand what others mean sinning to be, then I guess I have sinned..a lot. But then so have those who say you will go to hell, in fact they tend to be the worst offenders.

First my trip to hell, it's actually a very little town in the Cayman Islands, where you can buy all sorts of t-shirts and goodies saying you have been to hell and back, there may be other towns with the same name throughout the world as well.

Seriously though I believe that hell is not an external place, rather an internal place. It's that feeling inside that we have when we are bullied or really screwed up something or have huge debts and the problems associated with that, where we perceive no hope or chance for it to improve and all the mental and physical turmoil that comes with that. I have been there a few times in my life, though not for a few years since I have been doing this type of work. It is the place, the darkest place of our lives, where the despair is so strong that suicide feels like the only option and I have felt that a couple of times too. For me that is what hell is like and it's inside us and the great news is we can come back and thrive.

Now that is radically different from what you have been told in the past, so I can understand you being skeptical at this point. I cannot prove that there is an external hell nor can the proponents who say that there is, so where does that leave us.

Well there is some thing called the death experience and also near death experience, some who have died on the operating table for example and come back, or been in an accident and been near death and come back again. I have had those experiences myself and there have been many books written by others and many other first hand accounts that you can find on the internet.

Without exception that I know of, all have these themes, a lot of white light, a deep level of peace, a deep level of love, familiar faces (even those who have sinned!) acceptance, and a feeling that all is well. No reports of punishment or banishment or fire or creepy beings.

It is up to you to choose what to believe, it may be helpful to really connect with the feeling that you are less than no one first before choosing.

I won't judge you for what you believe whether it is the same as my belief, nor will I try to force you to change and I would appreciate you offering me the same courtesy.

Just because someone else thinks you are worthless, less than or that they are in some way more superior, does not make it the truth.

More to come

Different Part 2

One of my experiences of being different was in school, even today I'm different than most in the line of work I do and I'm glad to be that way. I grew up in Scotland and one place  we lived was a small town of about 1500 people called Markinch, we were pretty well known as at that time my father was the local policeman too.

The time came for us to move to a town much larger by a factor of 20 called Kirkcaldy, this meant a new house, new friends and a new school. A lot to deal with, add to that my 4 brothers were able to go to one school and as there was no room for me I had to go to a different school, in a not as nice area, but still walkable.

Needless to say I had the body language of a mouse going into the lions den, my new school mates had known each other for years and it was rare for a new person to come to school, at least back then. I went to school and of course if felt like the first martian to arrive, questions after questions as they determined where I was going to fit in with them and likewise for me. So I was different, even more so when they asked what my father did for work then, which was a big threat.

I was able to make friends with my school mates, some of them anyway, played football (soccer) and spent time with them too. This was disruptive and threatening  to established friendships and as time went on those whom they perceived I was taking their friend away or were bothered by other things   were keen to see what I was made of. Other than fighting with my brothers I hadn't been much of a fighter, yet I was challenged often. One particular time 2 brothers jumped me on they way home from school, I guess I was pretty cut up and had at least one black eye. I let it be know to a friend that I was going to get the brother the same age as me, the next day after school, a one on one fight. It didn't take long for that to get around the school and my teacher warned me there was to be no fighting.

I figured that if it was after school there would not be a problem, especially as no one was taking action over what had happened to me in a two on one fight. Well I did have my fight, half the school was on hand to watch and I did get a few licks in, yet it wasn't satisfying and someone broke it up.

I did get into trouble, my mother was called to the headmasters office (principal) and I was apparently lucky not to get expelled. I was not only different, I was trouble and that was the filter that teachers used with me, I couldn't get a break. Under strict orders for there to be no more fighting, it was a challenge when  I was getting picked on by others, who knew one false step and I was done, I won't say I didn't fight of course I did, though I had to lie to my parents and had to be sneaky about it.

I understood the game and could see clearly how those who were the same were treated differently than I was. The brothers were never punished as they were known in school and it couldn't be believed that they could do such a thing, there was no prior history (of getting caught) so they were believed when they lied.

I didn't take it too personally, I just saw how things worked and adjusted, kids do that very well. They see the reaction from others especially parents, the patterns get very noticeable and I worked around all that, okay I got sneaky with it not to get caught.

My intention was not to allow others to think I was an easy target and that they could do as they wished with me. I can see where my resiliency started.

Resiliency is something that pays off, often not in the short term, certainly in the long term and interesting things happen when we don't give up and keep going. When we are resilient we don't get into the fear and the thinking that this is the way it will always be. Instead we get up, dust ourselves off and get going again, why, it's important to us for one thing.

Just think when you first started walking, thankfully you weren't thinking much then, you walked a few steps fell, maybe cried and then got up and tried again. We observed those big people do it and they seemed to move more quickly than we were crawling, so we wanted to be like that. Then we learned to walk and found out about running, we could run away from dad and we fell and there was blood and we kept going. Imagine if this all happened at 15, those fears and doubts would limit us to the point that most would never walk with all the setbacks we had.

I was resilient and wasn't going to be bullied and and I kept getting up and dusting myself off. There was a development that was going to change things in a big way, that could never have been expected and while it is very dramatic it does illustrate what happens when we are resilient.

Five or six months after we moved, from Markinch, there was a disaster at the Rangers and Celtic football game in Glasgow, fans were leaving thinking Rangers would not win and when the last second goal was scored and the crowd turned back and there was a crush of people, resulting in the deaths of 66 people. Of the 66, 5 were friends and neighbors aged 13-15 years from Markinch. This was known as the Ibrox disaster and was my first real exposure, at an age I could understand, to death.

The whole thing was quite shocking and quite unbelievable really and it was the dominant news everywhere at home and all that everyone was talking about. It was incredibly sad, there were the lives lost, worsened by so many young people and worsened even more with so many from a very small town.

Over the weekend there were a lot of comings and goings and then Monday came and it was time to go to school. I walked to school by myself as always and into the playground where there was a large group gathered, usually people were split off. I had a sense that something was wrong, it was different this morning and I walked towards them and they were moving towards me, oh oh. 

Then in a what has become a vivid memory that I have never forgotten, school friends and enemies moved forward closer and they started hugging me and asking if I was alright. They obviously knew I came from Markinch and had lost friends.

From that point on I was never seen as different or a trouble maker at school. I was seen as human as one of them and not separate from them. 

As I mentioned this is a dramatic example, disasters like this thankfully don't happen every day. I use this example to illustrate how change does eventually happen when we are resilient or we persevere or are stubborn, if you would rather connect with those words. It can just one small thing that sparks a change in just one person or it can be something bigger that changes many.

I believe the Rutgers student who recently committed suicide after he had allegedly been videotaped having sex with his boyfriend and then posted on the internet, hit a chord with many people gay or straight who would have been embarrassed, had that happened to them. As a result it has caused many people to alter their behaviour and what they say and do with others. The issue became less about being gay and more about the treatment of another human being which became more powerful.

We have more power when we are resilient and with that things happen for the better, the change we are looking for does happen, not instantly, eventually. We are born with resiliency as demonstrated above with walking and running, we can add to that riding a bike and driving a car. Most people I know have fallen off their bike and stalled the car when they were learning to do both, yet we kept going.

To me then we lose our resiliency through our mind, which activates those fears, those fears usually being about time periods in the future and how hard it is going to be. It would seem obvious then that if directed the mind away from that, our resiliency would be there for us. Experiment directing your mind towards what you have in common with the others rather than the differences or what separates you. Direct your mind towards what you appreciate about yourself and especially what you do want to happen as opposed to what you don't want going on.

I promise you if you practice this and are patient you will see a change and you will have better body language and people will treat you differently.

The difference in my body language from when I arrived at the school like a mouse and to when I was fighting back was more confident but at the anger stage, yet not as good as if I were confident and accepting of myself. This was back in 1970 and 1971 and fighting is not handled by schools they same way today, you are more likely to face serious charges today.

However you can take that journey in your mind, you can pretend to punch them in the nose in your mind to help you feel better and then move from there in your mind towards what you want. No one can arrest you for what you are thinking in the privacy of your own mind.

Read through these posts a couple of times, practice the tools and if you feel they won't work, then how do you know if you haven't tried them. If you still feel they won't work then ask yourself what you think might work, or is your mind closed like those you are complaining about?

More to come

 

Different

A contributing factor in bullying is when someone is different than the others. Why would that be a threat? Well people don't know what to expect from you when you are different from them, they add a meaning to that, something that they perceive as a threat to their safety, environment, beliefs, even their future and how the people being different will take their comfort level, peace and even their power. 

At the basis of all of that is fear or more specifically in most cases, fear about something happening in the future. The thought process is some day, they will want to do this to me, or some day they will make me sick, or some day they will attack me, or some day they will want me to be like them to name  a few things.

There are many different responses that people will have when they are faced with this situation, age and location are a factor as are what is happening in the media as an influence too.

For example growing up, there was a chinese restaurant in town, the only one, and not only did they look different from everyone else, their food did too. One thing people do when they can't comprehend the differences is they will make things up. They false story going around was that the restaurant caught rats and served them to save money. Utterly false of course, however that didn't matter, whom ever made that up and felt powerless, they felt better making the story up, and in doing so and in their mind neutralized the threat. I know how crazy is that, yet it goes on all time. I recall too an older man who lived alone, he was given a nickname and it was made up that he kidnapped children, again completely false. It did allow those people who saw the man as different to justify their fears and help soothe them in the moment.

Not too long ago, when Corona beer first came out and was getting popular, some people saw Mexican beer as being different from their perceptions of Mexicans and their products, so there must be something wrong it's different. So a rumor started that the Mexicans were urinating in the beer, again completely false, yet it was able to close the gap in those peoples minds.

One lesson you can learn from all of this is that while in the moment it may seem as if all the names, rumors etc are being directed to you specifically, in a sense they are, however if you look at the broader picture they are being directed at the gap between what you represent to them and the threat that is to them and that is all in THEIR mind. With some practice if you can avoid taking things personally it will help you enormously, as that turns the energy and thoughts outwards from you rather than inwards to you.

That is important as you feel less like a victim, and your whole being changes, the vibe you put out changes and just as importantly your body language changes too. There are gay and other different people with a confident body language who don't get picked on, noticeable in sports, and those with a timid cowering body language who get picked for being different and for a variety of other reasons unrelated as well.

Test that out for yourself, see how people interact with you when you are happy and confident and when you are feeling sad and insecure, there is a difference and it is noticeable and it will reinforce to you how important it is not to take it personally and to keep things smaller as opposed to making them bigger. 

The question in your mind is how and what can I do to not take it personally. Just as the person who initiates all of this is feeling fearful about something potentially in the future, you are too. Whatever they say or do to you, you are taking that information, and that is all it really is, information and projecting that into the future as well. How often do you think, everyday is going to be like that, everyday I will have to hear that or some day this will get worse or I have no future. You have no real way to know if that is true or not just as the other person has no real way to know if their fears about the future will be true either.

To illustrate that more, think back 6 months ago, what was the fear or fears you had active in your mind at that time and did they come true, or go back in time further, did they come true and in most cases they didn't. I know what a lot of time and energy we waste!

The key then is to avoid projecting thoughts into the future, stay present which takes a lot of the fear away, try it out for yourself.

The next step is not to take it personally, instead see it as this other person or people feeling a difference between you and them and that it is the difference they feel threatened and it is the fear they are inventing in their mind that caused them to respond they way they did. It would be too much for you to close the gap between you in any meaningful way at this point, instead see them as a fellow human who is feeling fear, like you are.

You will be astounded at how different you feel from doing this, your body language will be very different, and I encourage you to test this out and video tape yourself to see for yourself. This is the difference in how you will be treated in the future.

Within each community, yes even the work I do there are differences in people, same in the communities of those of different color, sexual orientation, mentally challenged, health challenged and in the political parties as well. However you see yourself within your own community how do you deal with the differences between you?

For example one difference in the gay community is between those who consider themselves masculine and those feminine, where ever you see yourself, how do you feel and interact with the opposite? If you treat each other badly or even feel very strongly in a negative way about the difference, then aren't you just like those outside your own community you are complaining about?

If you want to see a change from those outside and how they deal with you, then how can that happen until you are accepting of the differences with those on the inside. The answer is of course that there cannot be a noticeable change until that changes. Remember, the person who you want to change in all likelihood has labeled you as the difference that you perceived within your own community. This is especially true in the black, latin and gay communities based on the media portrayal of the extremes in each community.

It would be too much to ask for you to love those within your community who represent the opposites or extremes from you, if you can accept them or be at peace about the difference or tolerate the difference then that will be reflected back to you in the way outsiders treat you.

Practice and test it for yourselves a few times and see if you can see a difference, it can be helpful to be around different people when you do as those you normally interact with are so conditioned it may take longer than 1 attempt to see a change.

More to come

Economy

The elections are over and the results known, what will happen now is anyones guess. It would be great if it became irrelevant to you and you just lived your life, knowing that the country will find its balance, if it tilts to much to the right, it will balance in a couple of years at the next election. It's just a game and in time more people will awaken to that fact.

In the meantime the economy has stabilized from the declines that started back around easter, a little job growth, a little momentum building, a lot of money being printed which will lead I feel to a 3rd downturn in another year +/-, there are just too many debt problems that haven't been addressed and bad loans that are not being written down/off. Eventually they will have to be addressed and I feel this will cause another slowdown. This doesn't have to impact you in a negative way, adjust and plan accordingly, watch out for companies looking to increase market share offer deals. For example Target has started offering 5% back when you use their debit and credit cards, those things are great if you pay them off each month, less so if you don't.

The big story will be inflation, actually it has already started at the grocery store, 10% increases in food are not uncommon with more to come. The reason is the huge jump in commodity prices, cotton is the highest since the civil war,  some at record levels caused by demand, in some cases, weather problems in some cases, the falling dollar in some cases and speculation/manipulation in others. It's just a reality, so plan for it in your budgets, accept the reality and avoid resisting and blaming. Interest rates will be rising too, so there will be better income opportunities ahead as well.

As the holiday gift season approaches ask yourself if you really need these things you want, in some cases you will in other cases it will fill an emotional need for a day or two then you have no use for the thing. A quick look around your closets and cupboards and garages will let you see if you have that problem or not. If you do and can't fill the emotional need from within, see if you can borrow the item instead of buying it, that will save a lot of money and the guilt/shame/regret that comes with it after.

It's possible to thrive with a slow growth economy with rising inflation, are you doing and planning and creating for that possibility?

Or are you planning for struggle and hardship and fear, knowing it will be tough and impossible?

I wonder how the percentages for those two scenarios break down amongst those who are considered rich and those who are considered poor and if this has any bearing on where each find themselves.

Taking Action

The elections in the USA are less than 2 weeks away and it is an opportunity for all of those who have been complaining about congress and the white house to take some action and vote. Yet there is a lot of apathy and many people won't vote at all, just remember that the next time you complain about things you don't like.

People ask, well neither of the 2 main parties offer the solutions that will work, or they are looking after their own special interest groups. There is usually another option on the ballot and independent or libertarian (for these purposes I consider the tea party republican), why not vote for them and send a message that way. If all of a sudden the third option starts to get 15% of the vote or even higher, people will start to notice and the chances of a legitimate party coming through will greatly increase.

One thing is clear, neither the democrats or republicans are able to govern for the people, all the people and despite their words, their actions increase the size of governement which in the technological age does not make sense. As tax revenues decrease or the money stops rolling in, it becomes clearer just how much is being wasted on the war on drugs for example, yet more tax dollars are being funneled into such programs and the knock on effect in full prisons and court systems that cost more and more.

Their answers are to take more from the people and in part this has caused the formation of the tea party. I don't see this as the solution, there is too much anger and too many "fringe" characters involved for it too be long lasting. None the less, it is impressive how quickly they came about and it demonstrates that change can happen as a result of the contrasting situation.

There are a lot of things in play right now that are going to be lightning rods of energy for good changes ahead, the movie "Waiting for Superman" the foreclosure lawlessness, the pension and budget deficits the new health care law changes that highlight just how special interest groups with their money and votes have had their way that is best for them and not for everyone else and that imbalance will be corrected.

Make a choice and take action or keep complaining, your vote counts on many levels.

It can be better to say no

Having lived through a few of the economic booms and collapses and had experiences as an employer, employee and more recently as an observer and consultant, one  thing is clear to me it can be empowering to say no, especially in the long run. The same applies on a personal  level, which I will cover next week.

During the last economic boom, sales and demand grew in several industries to extreme levels. Real Estate for example saw sales explode and prices rise, this  created demand for realtors, home builders, home inspectors, appraisers, landscapers, bankers and mortgage finances, underwriters, closing agents and each having support staff and services.

As they were doing well and making more money, the spent it on new cars, electronics, dining out, vacations, travel etc which created demand for all those products and all the support and services involved as well.

It seems drilled in to us to keep saying  yes to more business and hours and figure out how we will deal with it later. I mean who would want to turn down more business? Investors seem critical if companies don't do everything they can to boost sales and if sales are not in alignment with the rest of the industry then there is something wrong and sell the stock. Built in to that are beliefs such as, got to grab it while it is there, it will be gone tomorrow, there is no gain without pain to name a few.

In response to demand,  companies hire more employees and have the current employees work longer hours, no one complains at first as it is extra money for everyone. Problems arise when the boom goes on for an extended period of time, it becomes a challenge to find trained people to do the work. You can't learn to build a house or car or the law for real estate, or guidelines for underwriting a mortgage. This means that there is more pressure on current employees to deliver and work harder, to hire just anyone, just to get a body in there and to pay them all more just so the demand can be met.

In time as everyone gets tired, humans can only work flat out for so long, mistakes begin to occur, corners are cut to save time and then quality suffers, everyone is so busy and focused on the sales that they don't notice how many returns are coming back, or just how bad the quality has suffered. In other words it's a big mess.

Good examples of this are all the car recalls that happened after the boom was over, Toyota in particular was impacted in a highly public way at considerable cost to them, most of the other companies also had recalls. Any extra money they made in the boom is nothing compared to the cost of their reputation, lost sales and of course repairing the vehicles.

The same story is playing out in Real Estate from poorly constructed homes, bad paperwork or legal documentation that is incorrect, loan buybacks. The losses both financially and reputation wise again far exceed the profits from the boom, that's assuming the company is still in business.

What I am suggesting is that we learn to say no, we can take some extra business. Just enough that we handle without stretching our people too much, that they cannot do a quality job. That will mean turning down business, may even lose a few customers, which will cause enough fear in some people not to consider this idea.

If we expect to have a different result or outcome  then we have to do something different the next time otherwise the pattern will keep repeating itself. History is not on our side with these economic boom and bust cycles going back to the beginning of time. Yet when you look at the survivors it is evident that some at least did something different the the majority.

For those on the sidelines, I would suggest calculating how much the last boom cost you, your profit margins, how many customers did you lose when your quality or service levels dropped and see if it was worthwhile.

While the next boom is not coming tomorrow, having a plan in place when it does happen may just save you when it does.

Look around you

As more people look for more income, they often look outside for opportunities, which is understandable. Having just moved, despite my conscious effort  to buy what would bring value, improvement and ease into my life, some things slipped there way through, hey, we all have our week moments.

I'm guessing I am not alone there and I know from all the books on the subject many are a lot worse. Look around you there is value in those things you no longer or maybe never used.

For example there are many companies that will purchase old cell phones and electronics for cash, Craiglist offers free listings for everything you could possibly want to buy or sell, Ebay is another though it costs money.

I promise you there is a lot of money available from selling this unwanted, unused stuff, just look around you will soon spot things, I'm sure you could easily find $1000 in your house. For example a few years ago, I had copied all of my cd's onto itunes as the way I listened to music changed from cd players to ipods and the like. I had over 500 cd's and there was and still is people buying them for a $1 each. I could have received more selling them one by one, this company paid for the shipping and took them all for $500. Which opened up a lot of space for me.

You may find it difficult to believe, there is the 80/20 rule. In business often 80% of the income comes from 20% of the customers. In the home we wear 20% of our clothes and use 20% of those kitchen gadgets, test it out for yourself.

It can be very liberating to let go of this stuff, it is good emotionally, it is good financially, and it creates space and it is actually quite easy to do, one step at a time.

You have what may be new information, there is an opportunity for you, convert those things into cash or keep complaining how money is tight, there is no hope, Obama is useless, the economy sucks. You have a choice.

looking in the wrong place

I'm hearing lots of comments and complaints from people about the lack of return they are getting on their savings money, typically, it's under 1%. What can I do with that they ask, be in appreciation I reply. Well i want more they reply, and some looking for more, increase their risk threshold for a few extra % points.

Right people are looking in the wrong place, income, when given the current reality,  I would be looking at the expense side. Although it was not my deliberate intention, over the course of the year, I have reduced my expenses by $461 per month, that is $5600 per year, with no loss, no deprivation or the like. In fact quite the opposite, I am living in a much better place, driving a much better car, with all the latest gadgets, using a faster speed internet, going to the same gym chain at he same time as before, consuming less gas, in my better car, driving less mileage from a more central location, added 20 minutes of time to my day from a faster commute to my gym from my new better place.

So look at your expenses, from a perspective of how can I improve this situation. If you do it from a place of lack or need, not only will you not be able to see where you can benefit, you will be activating lack and need which will likely increase your expenses in the long run.

Even if you are able to reach the savings level I was able to do, even if you find $100 per month, that is $1200 per year of extra money, if you were able to receive 1% interest on $10000 that is $100 for the year.

Where are you looking?

I know people are feeling annoyed, frustrated and angry about what is going on in Washington, there is no leadership from either the White House or the Congress, they appear to be caught up in preserving their power base, and at times adding to this. Fear not this will not continue, however it will not change tomorrow either, the money involved is too significant for that. The tide  turning though, google Bell, California, specifically city hall salaries for an example of that.

What you can do is take a leadership role in your own home or work place, if you want more money for example, accept the reality of current interest rates and look at expenses as described above, get creative, you will not need to look far for the offers from your cable company, mortgage company, dls company, gym, grocery store. If you are focused on the lack of return, you will not be able to see them though.

Take a leadership role in creating the path for your family or employees, shift away from how bad Washington is and redirect to what you want and what you can do in the current reality. If you don't then accept that for at least another 12 months, there will be little change, most likely things will get worse in the short term. Is that a choice you really want to make? to stay embroiled in all of that?

Ps Notice a drop in price at the gas pumps?

Something has to give

Whenever the energy becomes lopsided then something has to give. We see it day to day when some one keeps pushing at home or work, we see it with prices, if they become too high or even too low, the result is something has to give and usually does. The results are quite explosive as we have seen recently.

I have been talking recently about the deficits around the globe and in this country, both at the city, state and Federal level. I found this chart the other day that helps illustrate part of the reason for this. It's another one of those examples, where something has to give. As a lot of the taxes to support government are paid by the non government workers, it will be interesting to see how this plays out in the next year or so.

Given the scenario what would you want to create for yourself and if a government employee what would you want to create for yourself. Start now, changes are coming, with preparation they need not have a big impact on you.

Article here

Forecast update - stock market

Back in February, I provided a forecast of what storms in the global and US financial markets were brewing and as we saw last week it has started in a big way. Despite what the headlines stated about a fat fingered trader error, this is not the case and the investigations will show that in time.

There is a liquidity issue at play here, highlighted by several stocks that reached a penny, from $40 plus, this will happen again and unless you have access to those high speed computer trading systems, which most people don't you cannot afford to be in the stock market at this time. Normally stop loss orders offer some kind of protection, in this environment they do not. There may be some new regulations that can change this, however I would not hold my breath as there have been no meaningful changes since the last crisis.

What is interesting is we seem to be following a similar pattern to the 2007-2009 crisis, where  at the beginning each "fix" was supposed to cure all, then there was explosive stock market rallies, click here to see the pattern and each event that triggered a rally or decline.

Several large cities have covered their budget deficits, by borrowing or taking funds from other funds to balance the books, much like the banks in 2007-2008 the main problems were not addressed i.e reducing spending and debt levels. This will merely delay things until next year, at least for cities and towns.

Yes, there are areas where are improvements, such as some job creation, housing sales tied to the $8000 incentive and most states had a rebate for energy efficient appliances. That said it's not enough and by the fall when the census jobs are over and all the incentives are gone, it will be clear that the economy is in another recession.

The key is cut your costs down as much as you can, refinance debt to lower payments and become indispensable at work.  Lower your risk exposure as best you can.

For those who think this is all too negative, it's being realistic, the debt levels at country, state, city and town levels are real, as the the reduced incomes, something has to give, that is reality.

The good news is that when all this has filtered through the system, even it takes a third re balancing, the the global economy, will be ready for an expansion the likes that we have never seen before.

Despite all the losses that will and have taken place, there has never ever been a time where the global economy has had so much wealth. You just need to look at China, India, Russia and compare the wealth in those places at the end of any recession or depression in history and see that we will restart the wealth from a higher starting point than ever before. The same applies to the USA and Europe, so instead of complaining about things, watch for the opportunities they will be there and even more people will have the opportunity to create wealth than ever before.

Of course there will always be pockets of poverty, again a reality, if you do some research in history, you may notice that the level of poverty too is higher than before.

This is my forecast, not to cause fear and panic, rather to provide an opportunity to create more ease when things happen. Like it or not it is happening.

Contrast, Force, Split Energy

Congress in the USA has provided some examples of contrast, force and split energy. It's often easier to these situations from a distance, then examining our own lives to see if we are doing the same!

This week though, I will start with contrast and then over the next posts force and split energy.

What is the benefit of contrast? It allows us to focus more clearly on what we want as opposed to the contrast which often raises our ire with what we don't want or can't stand.

Opinion polls rate the popularity of congress at 20% and some leaders in congress, even less than that. What seems to upset people so much, regardless of the party, is all the negativity, extremism, special interest influences, abuse of expenses and "special deals" not being heard and wasteful spending to name a few things.

From seeing all of that every day, most people get caught up in and resist that, and nothing changes as it matches the energy of what is going on in congress too.

Why not send a message to congress about what you do want? If enough people do, in time either those in congress will change or the demand for change will be so strong that enough people will step forward for election to defeat those who will not change, just remember to vote!

Start thing and talking about what you want going on in congress and tell everyone instead of complaining about it.

Here are a few things, this contrast has me focusing on, add to this or discard it, just come up with something.

I would like a strong, legitimate 3rd party to come along that is more centrist, that can deliver true bipartisanship, true cooperation and take into account all of the people in the country. Who acts in a fiscally responsible manner and develop policies that create growth and empowerment for the people, giving them their freedoms.

My ideal leader would be the likes of Bill Gates who created a very successful business, is globally known and is now focusing is attentions on his charitable work on education and health care globally.

You may not like that, sure beats complaining about the current leadership though!

Is it bad karma to....?

This question has been coming up a lot recently, pertaining to housing and those who find themselves under water. That is their mortgage is significantly below the value of the home. This is very prevalent in California, Florida, Arizona and Vegas where the value of the home has dropped by as much as 75% from the peak.

The question is, is it bad karma to just walk away? The general answer to that is no. However there is a lot to consider here, your credit, connection with the home and in different states there are legal repercussions, where you can be sued and liable for any difference between the mortgage balance and the eventual sales price. Banks seem to be prefer the short sale scenario at the moment and in many cases the shortfall is disposed of that way.

However what ever you decide to you, it is imperative that you consult with an attorney in your state, who is familiar with the many changes and the law that are going on. If this is not handled properly then it will cost a great amount of money.

Karma is not really a word I personally use, I prefer vibration or cause and effect. For example if you have active in your energy or vibration, deceit, then you take that where ever you go and the logical effect is getting deceived. Likewise with stealing, being happy, being angry.

Getting back to the housing part of this, the reality is that prices have fallen and are still falling in most places. Like the banks who give up properties, or hotels who turn the property back to the lender, the do so as a business decision, it doesn't make sense for them to continue in this situation. There is no shame, it just didn't work out, they are not a failure, the business transaction failed. A very important difference.

Now where the karma, vibration what ever you want to call it becomes an issue, at least from my perspective and most definitely legally, is when some one commits fraud, income or appraisal wise. That is what is active and you can expect some repercussions as a result.

Bottom line is, speak with a qualified lawyer first before you do anything. 

A forecast

During hurricane season, the forecasters track the path of the hurricane and provide warnings. Not to cause fear, rather to provide information so that you can make choices for yourself.

I have a forecast with the same intention, like my previous housing bubble forecast, I cannot let you know when exactly this will hit, as people create a lot of manipulation to delay the inevitable.

You will hear a lot more about debt, not just the US debt, more the debt of other countries, small towns, cities and the states here in the US, as well as those such as banks who own the debt. Currently Greece is on the verge of defaulting on their debt, close behind are Spain, Portugal and Ireland. The states in this country have current deficits and projections up to the year 2011 of a combined deficit of $134 billion dollars.

That doesn't include cities and towns which not only have deficits, they also have huge unfunded pension and health obligations for government employees. Some thing has to give, there is resistance by the unions to lay offs and pay cuts and there is resistance from tax payers to higher taxes. Both have to happen.

What does all this lead to? It leads to what I call phase 2 of the re-balancing of the economy. This does not mean it has to be painful for you, many came through phase 1 intact. They did so by being careful or conscious, they eliminated much of what they really didn't need to have or buy. They refinanced debt levels at low interest rates to free up cash, and many paid down or paid off debt (by the most amount in history).

There has been no significant change to banking regulations since phase 1 and as a result at least 1 major bank will fail and hundreds of smaller banks will do likewise. At least one major city will declare bankruptcy as will several smaller towns to clear themselves of high priced union contracts. This will bring deflation and things that you need will become less expensive, as they generally did in phase 1.

This is not good news for the stock market or the bond and commodity markets or the general economy.

We will come out of this stronger and better, use this time to clean things up in your life and create the minimum inconvenience. You have some time, this is not going to happen tomorrow.

Why am I so confident? - Climate

Why am I so confident that that we have nothing to worry about as far as the demise of the planet due to global warming?

The pattern and cycles of nature are such that the planet goes through a warming and cooling cycle every 40 years or so. As recently as 1975, some of the same scientists that are currently warning us of demise due to warming trends were warning us about our demise due to an up coming ICE AGE. Yes the headlines in the media were all about COOLING and how Canada would be frozen over in ice by now, caused by humans of course.

Here is an excerpt from Time magazine in 1974:

"However widely the weather varies from place to place and time to time, when meteorologists take an average of temperatures around the globe they find that the atmosphere has been growing gradually cooler for the past three decades. The trend shows no indication of reversing. Climatological Cassandras are becoming increasingly apprehensive, for the weather aberrations they are studying may be the harbinger of another ice age. [...] Man, too, may be somewhat responsible for the cooling trend. The University of Wisconsin's Reid A. Bryson and other climatologists suggest that dust and other particles released into the atmosphere as a result of farming and fuel burning may be blocking more and more sunlight from reaching and heating the surface of the earth. [...] Whatever the cause of the cooling trend, its effects could be extremely serious, if not catastrophic. Scientists figure that only a 1% decrease in the amount of sunlight hitting the earth's surface could tip the climatic balance, and cool the planet enough to send it sliding down the road to another ice age within only a few hundred years."

If you would like to read more excerpts from books, newspapers and magazines from the 1970's click here you will notice some familiar names, fears and blame from the ice age to the warming.

You also read more of the cycles going back to 1895 here.

I feel that we may have already started a new cooling cycle, it will not be known for a few more years, we are certainly due for a cooling cycle. It will not mean that the world is coming to an end, just a a normal cycle.

Having said all that, there is nothing wrong with recycling or solar and wind power, those things are great, we just don't need to force it upon the world built on a fearful foundation.

I hope you find peace or confidence or at least less fearful that we are going through a cycle and that we aren't going to be flooded out or some other end of the world scenario.

Why am I so confident?

I'm asked on a frequent basis, why am I so confident and sure about issues such as global warming, the financial recession and now 2012.

First and foremost, I trust my feelings. I can feel the difference in what is fear and what is hype or hysteria. From there I look at the broader perspective and then I look at patterns of human behavior. These patterns repeat themselves time and time again, so history helps with that.

None of that is special to me, a lot of others do this too. Where a difference occurs is encourage people to be calm and take necessary steps for their own wellbeing, or to let them know they have nothing to worry about. Others see what is going on and spread panic and how we are doomed and it's the end of the world if we don't act.

Those people play on our emotions which have not changed since we first arrived here in human form. Fear, greed, control and survival have not changed over time, though what we are fearful etc about certainly has.

Of all those emotions, survival is the one that creates panic, it's the one those in power, scientists and others use to get their point across and if they are plausible enough, and present it in such a way to create doubt about our survival it will take root and grow from there.

Over the next few posts, I will cover the hot topics that are coming up at the moment.

Confusion

I have been receiving requests from people from people who are confused as to when is the best time to buy a house, car, stocks, change job etc. There is no question that the crisis of last year has passed and most economies are showing some signs of growth, albeit on a small scale.

There are however a lot of economic signals that conflict,  some good some not so good, confusion if you like. Whenever there is confusion I highly recommend no matter what the subject matter is to wait until you have more clarity, be patient until things feel clear for you.

If we enter into something with confusion that leaves a lot of room for doubt to creep in, and then it becomes challenging to keep the focus on what we want, we tend to be more focused on what is causing the doubt and as a result often attract that very situation.

People then think, well what if I miss out if I don't act, not realizing that opportunities are always coming around and there will be opportunities at the  appropriate time for you too.

Be patient, I am expecting another big stock market tumble, believe it or not another bubble has been created thanks in part to lower interest rates, google the dollar carry trade for details, when it is over it will create great low risk opportunities for people, not just in the stock market. You may hear the media reporting get in before it's too late, ignore the hype and trust what feels clear for you.

Clarity wins over confusion every time.

Doing Well

It may not feel like it, there are actually industries that are doing well at the moment, the local paper calculated changes in revenues for the past 12 months and they list the 10 best and 10 worst industries. Even when there are challenging times there has to be something that is doing well, same is true in our own lives, there may be problems, there are also things that are going well, where ever the focus is, it will become bigger.